This week host Marina and photographer Ashley Goodwin dig into the heart of balancing motherhood and entrepreneurship. They ponder the myth of work-life balance, emphasize the need for intentional seasons of focus, and the inevitable sacrifices and rewards that come from our choices. Both women share their transformations in the way they view success, finding fulfillment, and building legacies, with Ashley detailing her journey from a personal brand to integrating her family's mission into her business. They also discuss societal pressures and the influences of social media on self-worth. The conversation pivots to fun rapid-fire questions, and Ashley's future plans to teach photography. This episode is a tribute to all mothers navigating the beautiful chaos of nurturing a family and a career, highlighting the importance of staying true to one's values and redefining success on a personal level.

Mentioned in this Episode:

To Hell with the Hustle, Jefferson Bethke

Take Back Your Family, Jefferson Bethke

The Empowered Wife, Laura Doyle

Ashley Goodwin

https://ashleygoodwinphotography.com/

IG: ashleygoodwinphoto

Marina Tolentino

https://www.marinatolentino.com/

IG: @marinattolentino_

YT: @marinatolentino

Subscribe to my newsletter for more behind-the-scenes and encouragement from me!

https://marinatolentino.myflodesk.com/worklikeamother

Transcript:

All right. Today on work like a mother, I have a very special guest. She's actually one of my really best friends, so it's very special. But the one and only Ashley woods. So if you don't know her, I tag her a lot on Instagram because she's our personal photographer and she's done a lot of the shoots for our businesses. Super talented, avid film lover, and just honestly, a curator of, of life and making beautiful moments. So bringing in Ashley today. I'm so excited to have you.

Thank you for being here.

Thank you.

Yeah, it's so exciting. I mean, definitely getting on a podcast is like nerves and.

Yeah, but we do this all day long.

I know.

So let's be real. You could just go, go. You're going to hire these people over time.

And just for context, Ashley is a person in my life that's like the six minute voice messages and the Inspo for days and it's like one of those. And I know every girl has one. And so we are probably going to go on 5 million tangents today, but it's going to be so much fun. Yeah.

Let's go about you a little bit.

So for who you are and what you do, you're a film photographer for weddings. How long have you been doing it?

Yeah, I've been doing photographing weddings for at least like 15 years, maybe more. I actually just transitioned out of film, kind of, sort of. But I've been doing weddings ever since I landed in Hawaii, which was twelve years ago, which is bananas. And I started shooting weddings before that even so. Yeah, about 15 years. I was an interior designer before that. That's what I went to school for. My heart is still there a little bit.

I miss it some, but weddings are really where it's at for me. It's where all things beautiful come together. I love the people, I love the service of it. I love the interaction and all things beautiful.

Yeah, totally.

I love it.

It's so good. And then you have a little boy and he is five, five and a half, almost six. Oh, yeah. Oh, my gosh. So he keeps you very, very busy and you guys have decided to homeschool. So that's been a life change, too. So we're going to talk about that a little bit too. Like seasons of entrepreneurship you've been through and now seasons of motherhood and kind of what you're excited for.

But definitely I think adding a kid changes a lot of things. Right? And so does your marriage as the seasons change and all of that. And one of the things I'm super excited to get into today is just how we're on this journey of learning. Right. We do the best we can with what we know. And so I think the whole point of this episode is to leave women very inspired in wherever they are in their journey and to realize you're not in a wrong spot. It's just you're doing the best that you could with what you had.

Amen.

And there's always place to grow from and a positive place to go and to recognize. Basically a life audit, I think will be a big trigger for a lot of people. They're going to notice a couple of things that we're saying and like, ooh, that's me, or, ooh, definitely in that zone, and how can I get better? So that's really exciting. So with that, let's talk about balance a little bit, because I feel like that's a constant theme in our relationship is like, how do we do this?

This is crazy.

Or like, I just feel so overwhelmed and there's been crying nights and overwhelmed moments in our marriages and our businesses. Do you believe in work life balance? What's your thought on no? Okay, tell me why?

Well, maybe I shouldn't say no so hard, but I guess it depends on what is balance. I think of work life, family in pillars, but also a lot of things in seasons. You and I have been talking about seasons and different things a lot. And I believe in really focusing more on flexibility and being able to pivot around to different things and knowing when to hold them, knowing when to fold them. And I don't think that there's such a thing as having this perfect scale balance. I think that there's some things in your life that should have more weight than others and some other things that sometimes for a season, you focus on it and you go real ham. And then for another season, you just kind of cruise. And I think chasing this perfect, everyday, perfect scale of a little bit of this, a little bit of that, to me, that's overwhelming on its own.

And just knowing, okay, maybe I'm going to be doing this one project for work for a season, and knowing when the start time is, knowing when the end time is and then just going hard. And then for me, it keeps me motivated. And then having an end date of like, this is when I'm going to end is good because I feel like we kind of get into this, oh, I'm going to relax when, oh, I can just rest a little bit after I get past Christmas, I can relax a little after I get past this heavy season, and then it's like, well, you never put an end date on that. So is that ever going to end?

It doesn't.

No, it doesn't. So I believe in really kind of trying to box in seasons a little bit. So, no, I don't believe in this balance. I feel like it's not a juggle. I don't know, it's rhythms and flows.

That'S so good, because trying to be the 50 50 is impossible. You're never going to be able to succeed. So you're, like, setting yourself up for. You mean 50 50, like the work life balance.

Oh, work life, yeah.

Or to say that I'm balanced, I feel like, is just an unrealistic expectation that we all put on ourselves. There's either the mom guilt or there's, like, the work guilt. So you can never win when you have that expectation.

Yes. But do you think that there should actually be 50 50 that you should give as much energy and passion and heart into your work or something versus your family or your health or something else? Do you feel like it should always be split? Don't you think so?

But I think that's the cultural expectation.

Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Or really just getting clear on the sacrifice you're going to make to be in a season of something else. There's a sacrifice for everything and a cost, and there's a reward for it all, too.

Yes.

So I think once you decide, be, like, fully committed, and then you can have joy in your decision instead of the guilt and the fear and the what ifs.

Yes. And knowing, what if I say yes to this, I'm saying no to XYZ, and maybe it's business opportunities. What are you willing to say no to? And able to say yes. And is that saying yes going to mean your family gets a lot of no? So I also believe in, it's not me just making these decisions. It's me turning to my husband and even turning to my son and being like, hey, how do you feel about this? Are we okay with this for a season? Because I might be running and chasing towards something, but then if they're just left in the dust and I'm, like, running, I'm at a start line. This is the analogy that's going to go through my head the whole time. I can tell I'm at a start line and I'm just running, but they're like, yo, you left me in the duster. We didn't even sign up for this race.

Why are you in this marathon. Who are you doing this for? What's that even for? Because I said yes to this. And chances are I'm probably going to have to say no to some things in my personal life or with my family that are they in? Are they bought in? Are they in this race, too? Or cheering from the sides? So there's some perspectives, shifts, I feel like that have to come from that and be more of a foundational pillar of what I value. And then that is the filter in which I look at every choice that.

I make, 100% the value of it. And knowing that is like a core principle. So everyone bookmark that timestamp. That was a really good one to say, ask your family permission. Because we're so in this world of me, me, it's all about me and what want. And then we leave everyone else in the dust, and then we look back and you're like, how come you guys aren't happy for me? I did all these things that I wanted to do, and it's just like, not one unit. And so that's what we're going to dive into, too, a little bit. But before we do that, talk about how business and life changed from pre kid to now kid, what was that like for you, for someone who may be pregnant right now, or maybe they have one, they're about to go to two.

Give me a little thing.

Well, on an everyday, day to day thing basis, lots of things change, of course, because now it's not just about you. You don't just have to worry about yourself. You have to worry about another human being. But more than anything, so much of my perspective changed about life. But I will say, for me, it actually was pre child like before I even had the gift of bringing Nate into the world. I was really marinating on a lot of different cultural ideals that I felt like I had bought into previously that I wasn't buying into anymore. So then when I got pregnant, I felt like it brought everything to the surface a little bit. So I don't want to say just his presence is what made so many things in my life change, because it wasn't that prompted it.

But I had all these things kind of stirring to the surface before that, of like, oh, I see, the world is doing things in this very individualistic hustle culture way, and I'm just not resonating with that anymore. I used to, and I'm not. And that, to me, actually really wasn't so much about becoming a mother, even though becoming a mother really stirred up a lot of stuff. And got me to challenge a lot of my beliefs about motherhood, about business, about life, about individualism, myself. But it was really, I feel like my faith that prompted a lot of change and perspective. And because of my faith, I'm a Christian. A lot of things were getting stirred up in my faith, and then I was also becoming a mother and a mother in business. And then that is what, together, those things kind of change the trajectory of how I saw business, family, ambition.

Gosh, so many things. But, yeah, I buddy trailed. I buddy trailed. What was the question?

How you changed your life, how your life was with life and business before kid and after kid.

Okay, so I think what you're saying.

Is God primed you for having the kid. First of all, he was having you question cultural ideals, and being like, that doesn't feel like me or what I want. So let me find out this other way, which then has you deep diving and going down all these rabbit holes of like, well, what does the Bible say about this? And what does culture say about this? Great synopsis and the clash. Right. And how do you decide for yourself, really, what's the ultimate plan? And that's the journey we've been totally. Yeah, yeah.

So pre kid, it was all about me, and post kid, it's not all about Nate. It's actually all about our family. Well, first and foremost, it helped me to redefine success. So success previously, before children, for me was, if I'm going to be super honest, when I first started photography, my desire was to be known. And I was like, I want people to know me. I'm going to be on stages and I'm going to be talking to people. It came from a genuine desire to want to help people. That was genuine.

I was like, I want to make an impact. I want to encourage people. I want to help people. But there was this also sly motive in there that was egotistical, that was like, and I want to be known. Yeah. I want to be on stages and whatever. And I remember way before I even had our son, I remember very vividly, I was pretty broke riding in this old beat up Durango. It was a great car.

It was a good one.

It was a good car. I got. I'm bummed we sold it still was, like, running really great. But anyway, riding in this beat up Durango, and I had this moment from God where I knew that God was talking to me. And I actually did a voice recording of it, and I was praying out loud, like, praying for my future, like, God, what do you want me to do. How do you want me to be a photographer? I feel you've got these big things for me because I feel like a lot of entrepreneurs have this pulse inside of us that's like we're meant. And we're also told we're meant for more. We're meant for more.

And so you're always chasing this more and more and more, what's greater, what's better, what's bigger? Instead of actually enjoying where you're at? That's a different conversation. But I was like, what is more, God? What does that look like? And I started praying and I started recording this prayer. I did it over. It's going to go. But, I mean, this was in, like, I don't know, 2016, maybe. Yeah, 2017. I remember God specifically saying to me, you used to think you would be on stages talking about what you did, but instead you're going to be talking about what I've done. And I was like, okay, all right, God.

And from that moment on, lots of things shifted. And that was based on my faith. But even for people that don't have the same faith as me, I think it's really rooted in purpose and separating your purpose and identity from self and individualism. So after that, I was like, okay, interesting. What does that mean? So I started really for years, like, grappling with that and avoiding lots of things or kind of good opportunities, what people would say, because I believed I was in a refining season of having my ego be refined, having lots of things stripped away from me. I shouldn't say lots of things stripped away. That sounds bad. But really getting to the core of what my motives were and what the root was of who am I? How do I act out my purpose in life? To encourage, to inspire, motivate people, but not from a place of look at me.

Right. And so that was hard. I'm not going to lie, because I feel like culture is always kind of getting us to make a brand about yourself, even business brand. Yeah, your personal brand. And not that anything's wrong with that, but I was always checking my motives, and I'm still checking my motives. So pre Nate, who's my son, it was a lot of grappling about that. And then when Nate came along, it was, okay. Now, how do we do this? Impact or be on mission, kind of in a sense, but as a family and as a team now, because it was my business, but it's now our business.

It's important.

It's my husband's business, it's my son's business. So it's not just about me anymore. So lots of things changed, but it went from becoming, this is me, this is what I'm doing, la la la, to, okay, how do I use the gifts that God has given me, the business, the resources as a family to make an impact versus, oh, this is just my business. This is a thing I do, and my husband's got his own thing. So, yeah, so now I've really integrated Jefferson Bethky, my idol.

We're going to roll into that, but so good. And I think I'm a couple of chapters behind you. And so you're constantly bringing me along with you, whether you realize it or not. But, yeah, I mean, 2012 to 2018, I mean, it was girl boss era, right? And we've all come through this. So for the millennials who are listening to this, we all went through it, we saw it, and even today it's still prevalent. But it's a little bit different in the sense that it glamorizes influencers. I think more than just like, the achievement, it's like you don't have to achieve anything, but you can influence today. So it has shifted.

But that significance pillar is so overarching and has taken over this whole generation to be like, I'm important. It's about me. How many followers do I have? Which the followers isn't new, but putting yourself in a pedestal is really, I feel like, the precedent.

Yes.

And so you can't really tell the fakes apart from the professionals anymore because anyone can do know, anyone can influence.

And what are you influencing? Like, what, what is the influence to buy stuff on Amazon? Look, I love the buy guy. Or people who are like, I bought this. This is wonderful. I'm like, yes, me too. Put in my cart. But what's the actual influence and why? To make money. They're always trying to make money. Nothing's wrong making money.

But what influencer, who are you influencing and what are you influencing them to do?

Yeah, exactly. Be more consumerist. That's really the biggest thing. Yeah. And then along with that, I had to go through my own journey through real estate of reaching this dollar amount to be considered successful. I was putting my self worth and my achievement, and that comes through a whole bunch of just mental and emotional things I've had to work through. And it's until this last year when I hit that and I'm like, then what? Because money doesn't buy happiness and we know this. But I think I had to prove it to myself of like, okay, if I can make x amount of dollars, then I'll have made it.

And then it's the if then, right? It's never enough. So now you're like, okay, I've got it. Now I'm bored. What the heck do I do? I don't have a mission. That's what it made me realize. It was all about me, and it was all about saying, not to say, look at me, but I wanted to prove it to myself. I could make it in an industry. Now it's like, I realize I didn't have the family fully involved.

I thought I did, but I didn't. So it's like, how can we incorporate all members, all four of us, the two little ones, too, in the decisions? Can we bring them along more? Can we expose them more? And a lot of these concepts and ideas come from Jefferson Bethky.

So. Oh, my gosh.

Roll out the red carpet.

We'll definitely send him. This poor guy. He hears for me so much. Probably I am, like, number one evangelist of the besties and the priors. Oh, my gosh.

So for someone who has no context of who they are, give them a little bio of them.

Jefferson and Alyssa Bestie. They are authors on Maui. They are incredible. They both just. I've never met these people, for the record, never the one day goals. But they are both authors. They are christians. They really write a lot of, I'd say, counter cultural practices that are biblical but apply to business and family and life.

And Jefferson wrote, to hell with the hustle, which is probably the first book that I would say had the most significant impact on me professionally and personally. And then after that, he wrote, take back your family, which I've listened to, like, no less than six times. Always get good nuggets out of it. And then his wife, Alyssa, I mean, she gets all the credit. Like, let's be real. She's running the shebang. And they were mentored by the pryors, Jeremy Pryor. And they have a lot of different businesses.

And Jeremy used to be a pastor, but now he's a business owner. And they just do life in this really beautiful way where they dig into Christianity and see different ways of doing things, and then they integrate it into business and life and family, and then they teach other people through books and courses and workshops and stuff and everything that they say. I'm just like, you are so smart. I love you guys.

Well, I think what they're really good at is taking stuff that seems strict or seems like one way or the highway and breaking it down to say there's permission to do all things in always if it aligns with certain things. Right?

Yeah, totally.

And then also really great on the research. So to help the hustle in 2019. That was right before COVID If we think about that time, I'm trying to think what life was like for me. So I was wedding planning full time, I had Rome rentals full time, and we had the honey company.

Oh, my gosh.

And then I was pregnant.

Oh, my gosh. Yeah, it was a lot.

And I remember staging full term nine months with Mika. And just like, that was the life, right? We were hustling all. And so it was a shakeup. That's what this book was a shakeup of. Like, what the heck are you doing? And all this data that talks about how bad it is for us, basically.

Totally.

And just cultural, how it's changed so much over the years. Right.

And how it was actually shaped by certain groups to be that way, and the impact of history and how time was invented and planned obsolescence, and how things are meant to implode and time and the meaning of time, and then.

Transition to 2021 when take back your family came out. So now we're mid pandemic. It couldn't have been perfectly timed.

So good.

Yeah. So then I have Mika. She's one Roman, is he six at that time, and we're still doing the juggle, but I've added real estate at this time, so my life is crazier than ever. I didn't learn from the first book, apparently took on more.

It takes reading it a couple of.

Times, but this one, it really goes back, I mean, to ancient days, what a family used to look like, how we've operated as humans for the last 2000, 3000 years. And what has changed, honestly, in the last 70, so significantly that now we're basically trying to make up this experiment that has totally failed and we're still lying to ourself that it's working. That was huge. Like, so good. What would you say and take back your family's the biggest. Aha. If you could. Or why everyone has to read this.

What was the thing?

Oh, my gosh. Everything.

I know the whole thing, but the.

Whole thing, like, bookmark, bookmark. But I'd say just the whole concept of being a family on mission. So for me, my number one, I know I'm successful again, it goes back to faith, but I know I was successful. If I get to heaven and Jesus says, good job, like, good and faithful servant, and I'm like, yes, I brought some people to heaven. I did the thing and then the second thing is, if my family and I are able to take the mandate in Genesis and be fruitful and multiply and build a family unit that uses its resources successfully and time successfully to make an impact and make the world around us more beautiful, more joyful, make beauty from ashes, that's really kind of. We're still working on our strong mission statement, if I'm being honest. But the idea of coming up with a mission statement for your family and then getting the family on mission, I lied. That's not the biggest takeaway.

The biggest takeaway, that was a good one. That had the biggest impact on my life, was Sabbath. So good. I was so not resting or the idea of just rest and what that looks like, that has been the biggest takeaway for me. Sabbath doesn't have to always be a religious practice if you aren't Christian or Jewish. But just one solid day of intentional rest where you're not shopping, you're not scrolling the Internet, you're doing something that fills you up. That has been, by far the most life changing in business and in pleasure.

Can you take me through how you prep for that and how you spend your day? Yeah.

So our Sabbath has to be what I call a Flex Sabbath, because I shoot weddings on Saturdays. And historically, in the Bible, Sabbath was like a Friday evening to a Saturday evening, but that doesn't always work for us. So say I shot a wedding on a Saturday, then Sunday is all day Sabbath, and then Monday. I call that, like, our house admin day. So I make those two days back to back, if possible. But Sabbath, we prep for food, try to grocery shop, maybe have some already pre made meals. Like, okay, it's going to be Sabbath, so we're probably going to do pizza, or we're going to eat leftovers, whatever. I try to not cook.

I try to only do things that we really enjoy. So I try not clean the house, whatnot. I don't. I don't clean the house. I don't do laundry. I don't run errands. That's for the next day. And I tell myself, I can do all that stuff tomorrow.

Today, we're going to do stuff that fills our cup. Sometimes that's together as a family, sometimes that will take turns individually. Like, my husband will go play softball, I'll hang out with Nate, or I'll go out for the day, go to the beach, go do whatever. Or maybe we'll do half days. We plan it out, Marshall and I, and we talk about how do we want Sabbath to look and it's always changing. And since it's a flex Sabbath, we have to change the date. Sometimes it's a Monday Sabbath or whatever, but the beauty is you can always try again. But when I do Sabbath, it really rests and refuels me and gets me excited for the week ahead.

And I feel like I can be a better mom, I can be a better business owner, a better photographer, because I had that day where it's like a guilt free day of rest. We treat it. Beth Gisa suggests treating it like Christmas day.

I love that. Yeah. Like doing all your favorite things. The anticipation of it.

Exactly. The anticipation. And you wouldn't go to your kids basketball game on Christmas day. Like, you'd be like, who schedules basketball on Christmas day? So treat Sabbath like the same way.

Yeah. Which is so good. And maybe for some people, that means we need to filter out our calendars because we've jam packed it so slammed that you can't even breathe. We intentionally need to say no to something.

Yes, you do this.

But I think, for me, same thing. It's like our schedule flexes all the time. Because sometimes Ryan will work the weekends, and then sometimes he doesn't. So if, again, one of the things they talk about in the book is the seven day cycle, instead of worrying about the month or the year and all these, that every seven days you get a reset. And if we mess it up last week, we get next week to try it again. And there's so much grace in that. Instead of like, no, we have to be perfect and hit all the check marks. And I think from the book, one of the big things, too, was just giving a really good modern day example of a family team and how that looks.

Because when you first start to read it, you might think like, okay, I got a home school now, and we ought to have a farm.

Yeah. It feels very homesteadery life. Yeah.

Which is what, when you think of christian views, sometimes that's what you think of. You think of the mom with the eight kids, and no offense to them or whatever, but it's like you can still have a very profitable business, a very booming business, multiple businesses, and do this team system. So talk me through what that example looks like today. What's a modern example of that?

Of our family team.

Your team, or from the book, or if you have one, how would people do?

I'm not. There's lots of tons of different examples of ways that people do it. But for us, my husband and I are married, and we have Nate. We homeschool. So I currently am the one with the main business. My husband has a couple different businesses, as well, but Marshall, for the most part, he's the one in charge of homeschool. I am running my business and all that. So we kind of set our schedule up based on who's got what going on that week, and then we just really try to bring Nate in on the conversations about our business whenever we can.

But the thing is, family teams isn't always all about business. It's also about impact. It's about your mission. And so our mission is to bring beauty and joy and praise into the world. That's like the start of our mission. We're still working on it. Beautiful specifically. But I bring Nate in and say, hey, man, I shot this wedding yesterday.

Do you want to see what they look like? I'll even let him come sit in my lap and edit some photos. Sometimes he just loves to play and change all the colors. Or I'll just try to get him involved in business stuff. I'll get him help me box up things if I need to mail it off or work on my gear. So I try to bring him into my work day when I can, and then Marshall will do the same. Marshall currently does Turo. He'll get him to help wash cars. We use it as discipleship moments, at the same time teaching him about what we're doing in business, and then also the money that we make and the resources we get him involved and say, hey, how do you want to spend this? Or this is how much we've got.

This is how much we've saved. How do you want to give? How do you want to spend this? Or right now, we've got a really big new season coming up in our lives, which is going to be crazy. It's a big new investment property that we're working on, and we're really planning to really bring him into the fold. So it's not just like, oh, mom and dad are doing this thing, and I'm living my kid life. It's really integrating him into the day to day in everything we do.

Yeah. Which I think american culture would say it's all compartmentalized. You take the kids to daycare, and then you switch hats on and off. And that's not the way that a family team would work. So he always gives great examples of basketball teams. It's not like you'd say, like, you go over there and do this thing, and I'll do this. It's like cohesive when we're constantly working together and it's such a beautiful vision when you think of that. Again, it's just the individualism versus the group.

So even multi generational. Right? So in Hawaii, that's a big thing. We have a lot of multi generational families, but they're operating very compartmentalized. We are all just like, chunk, chunk, chunk. And then we come together every so often. But how often are we actually connecting and building a true legacy? So another part of the book is he really gives that vision of, like, what happens after you pass? Is your child expecting to go spend all your inheritance, or have they already taken on the identity that I continue this? Right.

Yes. This book is so good.

It's so good. So I think there's just so many good examples of bringing that ideal of a family team to the modern times that we don't hear anywhere else. And that's where it's like, wake up, people. What are we doing? Right? What do we want to do for the next 20, 5100 years? People are thinking about tomorrow.

Yes. We're really thinking about. That's currently one of our largest driving forces is legacy. And what type of legacy are we leaving? And on top of that, we are about to transition into a season of being multigenerational, which I'm really excited about, because that's one thing I really wanted to incorporate was, here's where you came from teaching our son. Here's where you came from. There is goodness to be withdrawn from older family members, from your grandparents, asking them questions, but also, what seeds are we planning for the future and not for, like, this isn't for us. This is for generations down the know. There's a sermon, too, from Mike Todd Transformation Church.

There's a series called Easy Money.

Oh, that's a good one.

Yeah. Oh, my gosh. The whole series is so good. But you can apply a lot of business principles to it. And he talks about this a lot as well, of thinking about your legacy that you're leaving for family. Now, this irks me. I feel like a lot of people on the Internet talk about generational wealth, and they hate on it, and they're like, oh, people are privileged because they had the generational wealth. It's like, wait a minute, guys.

What a blessing.

What a blessing to hook your family up. Becky talks about this. Becky, just hire me at this. Like, why on earth would you create this business, which you can kind of apply these principles to family? Create this business and grow it, and then when the founder is ready to retire, then the business implode. You wouldn't ever do that.

Fire all your employees and start over.

Exactly. No, you pass it on, and then you're either passing on to your own children, who hopefully you've discipled and you've taught them the business and values that you want to pass down, and now they get to do it their way, but hopefully with things you've instilled in them, or you're giving it to somebody else's kid.

That's what he said. That takes you up. It was not your kid. It's someone else's.

It was not yours.

It's someone else's.

And I was like, he's right. And so all these people, I feel like poo poo on generational wealth, and I'm trying to create some generational wealth over here, but not so that we can just live in bathtubs and make it rain, but so that we can make an impact and other people's lives can be changed because of us. And I want to be giving out cars to people who need them. I want to buy houses to people who need them. Brandon Turner, the bigger money, bigger Pockets podcast, he has an entire business that he treats as a ministry. And every dollar that comes from that business, he gives away.

Amazing.

He gave away, like, half a million dollars to Tim Tebow's foundation. Yeah. Oh, my God. And I was like, gold. That's what I want to do. Sure, I want to live comfortably, but I want to create a legacy that has enough resources to just blow people out of the water with generosity.

Yeah. And I think for so many, like the average american, like, over 75% of us are in debt, blah, blah, blah, they're in survival mode. So how do you even get your mindset out of worrying about myself, to starting to help a whole community, to helping the world, to feeding a billion people. Right. Well, it can't be about us. That's the biggest thing. And you have to find that knowing that you're going to be cared for regardless of what you perform. Right.

And that is such a shift for people to make. That takes time. It takes intentional diving in. But, yeah, when your legacy, it's not like you're just giving it to your two kids. You're literally giving wealth and allowing it to expand and grow to a whole community of people that your employees, like, their children, it's just ripple effects. Right? So when you change that mindset, that's huge. It's not like they're getting a check. It's like, no, this is fuel for the mission.

That's really the big thing. Another thing you said, too, was just the stories of our descendants, right. And how often we don't talk about them. So one of the examples he gives is at Sabbath, or I think it's their. What's the dinner called? I'm, like, blanking on it. Dinner? Yeah, shabbat dinner. They literally tell stories of their descendants.

Yeah. Isn't that cool?

And the kids know all of their generations above them, and they'll say, like, oh, yeah, I know all these things. But for us, it's like, how many of us can name our great grandparents?

No, but my son can name all the Pokemons.

Yeah.

See?

But still use their memory while it's sharp. And we should be having normal conversations routinely. Ryan side immigrants from the Philippines, they go way back. Right. Like, they know. But our kids know nothing. I don't even know that much as a wife. Like, I should be asking more questions.

And then my family, too, is family of immigrants from, like, we can talk about all these we come from. So my kids should be so proud of their other generation.

Totally.

But we just don't talk about it.

I feel like Hawaii as a culture kind of does that pretty well. Like, they honor their culture. I actually feel like a lot of tribal type of cultures do that because of the storytelling elements, I assume, of just passing down story from generation to generation. I agreed. There's so much value in that and so many good nuggets. I want to circle back to something that you said. You said, how do you change your heart from giving to knowing that you're going to be taken care of? Okay, give me an example of that for you.

I think it's just knowing, well, number one, God will provide. That's like a big one. And just anytime you have that doubt, you're like, just read it. It says it. It's there, number one. Number two came through the years of, I think, proving it to myself through the achievement of saying, if I'm like, shit out of, like, everything goes away and I'm stuck with nothing. I don't even have a suitcase. I know I have soft skills that can earn money or I have value to give in other ways, so I'll never go hungry, is like my thought, as long as I'm mentally sane, I'll be okay.

Okay.

But that had to come through achievement that didn't come easily. So for someone who doesn't have that yet, I think you also need to tap into your community. And who are your relationships around you? Are you investing into those and all those things? But the number one is you got to know your creator, and you got to know that you're cared for.

Yeah.

You weren't created to be abandoned. You're created to grow. Yeah, that's a big one.

I like it.

Okay, so going back to this, I think one of the things you're so good at, and we've got Instagram DM for days, is you always have a filter on when you're consuming and you're listening and you're watching.

Oh, I was like, of course I wear a filter. Girl, your face is beautiful, but a.

Mental filter for your internal eyeballs.

Right?

So tell me what that looks like and how you developed it. Like, when you're consuming what's going through your head.

That has come through years of refinement and digging into myself and learning what is, acknowledging what is. There's a scripture. Everything is permissible. Not everything is beneficial, and that I've really clung on to. And again, even if you don't believe in Jesus, don't like the Bible, it's cool, because that is just sound advice. Everything is allowed, but not everything is going to be good and beneficial for you. And so with that in mind, anytime something comes to me, I'm always checking my spirit, checking my heart, and also asking myself, is this biblical? Because the Bible is foundational for me, even in business and life. I don't want to take advice that is opposite of what the Bible says because that's going to lead me down a road of destruction.

Like, I've been there on the way over here, actually, little bunny trail, I was listening to worship music because I was like, lord, let this just not be me talking. Let it be you talking. And I started listening to worship, and there's a hillsong album that I know they're kind of controversial, but it's cool. Their albums are great. Don't cancel them. Don't cancel.

The song is so good.

It's touch the sky. Oh, my gosh. And it just made me weep, but I was like, I got a podcast to do. I can't my makeup, but there's this line that says, I lost my soul to buy the world, but you traded heaven with Jesus to have me again. And that really sticks with me because I feel like I traded a lot of things in my soul to chase fame, and I was never famous, okay. But, like, the desire to be seen and be known and be somebody that people would walk by and be like, oh, you're Ashley. Oh, blah, blah, blah. And that happened for a while, and my head started to get big.

And I'd be like, oh, people know me. I matter. And then I realized that that wasn't God. I am seen and God wants. I am known by God, and I'm supposed to be seen and know by people, but by people who know me, truly know me.

Relationship with you.

Relationship, yes. And so for that reason, I realized what my motives were. And then I would line up the Bible and scripture and be like, okay, is this biblical? Is this not biblical? And also, what are my interior motives? Are they good or are they not good? And if it's not good, then I have to be careful what I see, what I hear, what I listen to, because I know that I am easily deceived by my flesh and my heart to go chase after something that's not what God wants for me in my life. We're about to move.

This will be out mid January.

We're about to move. Oh, my gosh. From Hawaii. And it feels like a big deal. And we're about to buy land in the middle of nowhere, like my hometown, and build an investment property, which seems like, so dreamy, but at the same time, we haven't done anything. And who knows what's actually going to come of that. We could just live in a little tiny house on the property and that be it. And that's all prompted from God.

And it is this scary idea of moving to the middle of the woods where it's like no one around. And I say that because I'm being refined of just because God, that doesn't feel like what I want. It doesn't feel like what the world would say is progressively climbing up the ladder of ambition. They would say, as a photographer, I should be going into these ultra luxury weddings. I should be doing, like, Jose Villa's level. That's what the worldly progression would be. And I battled with that for a long time, but then I realized I never wanted that when I became a photographer. That's actually not what I aspire to.

I aspire to encouraging people and raising other people up, not getting to like Jose Villa. And so, yeah, I feel this still tension, but I feel the desire of this might not be what the world says looks good and pretty and shiny, but it's what God, I feel like is calling me to. So I'm going to listen to what he's saying and not listen to what the world is saying, what success looks like. And success in a lot of avenues looks like just being more known. More known.

Yeah, right. So what I took away from that is you have a strong muscle to question and to not just accept whatever you see as, like, truth or as. That's the way, because that's what everyone else is doing. You are constantly going, like, wait, what does the Bible say? Because I think I know what it says, or I think my heart says it, but then what does it really say? And so even just to crack open the book, most people aren't going to do that. And they just think, I mean, we're so into this approval mindset, too, that we have to fit in all the time. But that's not what God made us to be. He wanted us to be the controversy, to be the upstream, right? We're not all the fish going downstream. We're going upstream and we're laying some eggs.

I'm sand laying some eggs. Hey, what is success? I was just thinking about my version of the world's version of success in a photographer versus what God I feel like is calling us. What do you feel like actual success looks like to you?

It keeps changing. I'll say that. There's not, like, one definition. I think right now it's being authentically me not worrying about what everyone else thinks or the approval of other people. That's good. It's being what I see as, like, the light in the world, regardless of what my job is, because my job is not me. Which took time to realize that, honestly, being a glimmer of light to the grocery clerk or to show encouragement to my son's friend who might have, like, a potty mouth or something, it's just wherever you go, you're being that positive light. And to remind people, I think, the goodness of God number one, and love to be love, that's really success.

Because I believe if we are those things, everything else will fall into place and we'll be provided for.

Okay, so how do you measure that daily?

Okay, do you just gratitude? Do you look around you and you go, what have I done today? Or what has my experience been like today? Or if it was a bad day to be like, how could I have improved this to make it a better day tomorrow? That's what it is. But then, of course, success goes outward, too, with the income you provide. You want to make sure you have a solid base and foundation with income, but there's no number attached to it anymore. I'll say that for the longest time, it was like, this is the benchmark. If I don't hit this benchmark in income, then I'm not successful. Even though I was running three companies and doing all these crazy things. I told myself I wasn't successful.

Where'd you get that benchmark from?

I think because growing up, six figures was like it. If you make six figures, you got it. And then living in Hawaii, you don't got it.

No, you don't got it. You need eight figures.

Even multiple, you're still like, okay, what are we doing? Yeah. So realizing that. That it's a moving target, the number doesn't really make sense, because one of the things he talks about in the book, too, is if you went down one step level, would your kids rather you be home more, or would your.

Kids wasn't that good?

Rather think that you need to perform more, do more things, sacrifice, have the bigger house, when really they just want mom and dad.

And dad and dad about mom.

Yeah, both of us. So that was a big one. But I think it keeps changing. And the more that we have these conversations, too, with other women, we can cross check each other. And I think you do a really great job of that, of me, too, to just be like, oh, yeah, question that.

Are you sure?

Yeah. Or, who told you that? I'm like, oh, Instagram did.

Oh, my gosh. Though the things I learned from Instagram, I have diagnosed myself ADHD, 1000% from the Instagram doctors on reels. That's funny.

Yeah, no, it's so funny. But I think, again, just stepping back, putting the screen down, and then just listening to your inner self, too, because our inner self comes from God, but also questioning, because our internal mind will lie to us all the time. And so what are we really believing? Is it a core truth or is it, like a belief or a system? So all of that was really good. Yeah. It's so different, and it varies as we change, and I think it'll be different next year. There's not one version of success.

I agree. That's good. I was marinating on it this morning and before I came over here, and I thought, I tend to be very hard on myself, and I set really high standards and expectations, and so I never feel like. That's why I ask you, how do you measure it? Because I feel like we're similar in this aspect. When it comes to business, I always look back, and unless I had a benchmark or a goal, I feel like I never hit it or whatever. And so I was thinking, did I hit success or whatever? And I was like, oh, wait a minute. If I look back at all the things I've done and all the things that were actually really cool, or I have gotten to do in my business or my life, I'm like, we've actually done some really rad stuff. But because the world tells us to always be growing, always be reaching for more.

You never pause to look back and what the Bible says, lay down your stones and be grateful for the past and look at what the past celebrate all that goodness. I'm always looking ahead. So I feel like it's important to pause and look back and be grateful for where you've come and really reflect. Because otherwise my internal mind is always like a whip on a horse, like, go, girl, go.

And it's like, never enough. When is enough? Define enough.

Yes. So I have to always check myself, like, is this enough? Is God saying this is enough? Or is it just me and the Internet fueled by the Internet saying more and more and more, and when I.

Start to feel that, I can feel it in my chest and my shoulders just by consuming. And so when you recognize that, you're like, okay, get this away from me.

It is crazy how you can feel it. Like, when you're just scrolling and you're like, oh, they got a nice kitchen.

Yeah.

Oh, look at her hair.

I'm saving all these things that I want to replicate, like reels and TikTok. And then the burden is like, oh, my God, I have to create all this content. Yeah.

Especially around the holidays, over crying out loud. Yeah.

But it never stops. It never stops. And so I think, too, part of this book is he talks about seasons, and we are meant to have seasons. I think Hildo hustle talks about it, too. But for most of us, business is twenty four seven and three sixty five. So how do you take a season? What will that look like for you and your family? I think for me, next year, I would love to have a month off. Can I do that? Absolutely.

Of course you can.

Absolutely. But all realtors are going to tell me no.

Who cares? Does a realtor live with you as a realtor?

No, but that's in your life. That's my internal conflict.

Right.

What would that look like? What systems would I have to have in place? What team would I have to build to do know? It's absolutely possible. But just stepping back and it's going to be okay.

Okay, girl. Chick fil a. They don't serve on Sundays. And everybody told them it's going to be like, it's true. And they actually make the most money out of all the fast food places. Yeah. And then biblically, there's the jubilee, where every seven years they took a year off because the land had to rest and had to get more nutrients back. Because if you're just always depleting, depleting it.

And then also, all their debts got forgiven that year.

I'm like, can we read amen. Please pay my college loans.

But there's so much good stuff that comes from rest. So, yeah, a solid sabbath, even if it's like a half day and then a month, go. Yes. Do it. Sabbatical.

Yeah, people do it all the time, but you don't hear, we did it. Yeah, you don't hear about it, and you're like, oh, yeah, there's social proof all around. You just have to ask, what would.

Your sabbatical look like?

Oh, gosh. Gardening number one. I probably have to move back with the inlaws. To be honest, I don't think I could take a month off in a condo.

It just wouldn't work.

But travel, quality time with family, I think a little bit of sense of adventure doing something we've never done. But honestly, just tapping out of emails and social media just to have, like, a complete cleanse is what's needed.

Okay.

And so I can infiltrate that every now and then, periodically, and I think everyone should. But it's so easy to just be scooped up in the. What's next? What's next? All the time. And so instead, you just be like, nope, we're on a pause. We'll come back. It'll always be there. Like, the hustle will always be so we don't have to do it.

Yeah. Bethy talks about instilling the weekly Sabbath versus the one vacation every year. Yeah, he's like, that one vacation isn't going to save your family. But a weekly Sabbath will instill that rest. And we have been doing that for a while now. Now, it's not always perfect. There are times where it flies by. But if I go, like, a week or two without a Sabbath, I feel it now.

And I'm like, yeah, I'm dying. I need a rest. And it doesn't have to be elaborate. Sometimes we go the pool, we go to the beach, whatever. But sometimes it's just us lounging at home. I try to not just veg out and watch tv or whatever, or be on my phone, because I notice when I walk away from movies or my phone, I don't feel rested. So I always am asking myself, what actually makes me feel rested? And reading. Shopping doesn't make me feel rested either.

I used to think like, oh, I want to go shopping. And then I'm just, like, exhausted. When I leave, I'm like, nothing fit. I didn't like anything.

And I mean, culturally, we live and die by screen. So to say we're going to put the screens down and we have to look at each other and engage with each other. Holy crap. Like, actually have dinner at the dinner table and no tv on. Holy crap. People don't realize how special that is. And I think it's definitely something to aim for if you're not doing it yet. We need to get back to the table.

We're so used to having the tv on, and Roman sits, like, backward in the stool, and it's so not good for him. Yeah, but it's just little reminders here and there. As moms, we can help each other, lift each other. And when we're feeling that way, to realize there's so many resources out there and so much encouragement. We just have to keep connecting, too.

Be there for each other.

Yeah, I think that wraps it up so. Good girl.

We could keep going. I know we need a series.

Yeah. But with that said, I have a couple quick, rapid fire questions to wrap this up. Some fun things. So, number one, thanks for the Starbucks today, my dear.

Oh, you're welcome.

But what is your Starbucks order?

Oh, it changes, but I love a chai tea. And I'll just go chai tea.

Okay. Just plain, regular milk, everything.

Oat milk.

Okay. Yep. What do you make for dinner? If it's last minute and you're like, shoot, we need to eat. What's like your go to?

Oh, Boston's pizza.

Order it out.

I don't make it, girl. I order it. It's called Uber eats or thai food.

Oh, yeah, thai food's good. What's your fave? Go to department of target and favorite designer.

Oh, threshold. No, studio. McGee for threshold.

Okay.

There we go.

Name a book or a podcast you'd recommend to the show audience and why we talked about.

You mean other than take back your family? Oh, well, for women, the empowered wife.

What's it about? It's so good.

It's about changing your marriage, your perspective on marriage, and creating a thriving marriage. But it all kind of starts with you. Yeah.

Super good. Yep. Which I think that's probably a whole nother episode, but talking about marriage and how we just. Me, me. And it's fix yourself first and then worry about the rest. Yeah.

Amen.

Okay, where can people find you? Online. And then we're going to do one last plug.

Yeah. Ashley Goodwin photo is my instagram. And then there's also Ashley ag Woods. That's my personal one. And then, ashleygoodwinphotography.com.

Yep. So speaking of, you've got new stuff coming up next year, which is really exciting. So we know multiple years as a photographer. Now we're kind of transitioning into helping other women do that and build their business. You're going to be teaching photographers?

I'm going to be empowering and encouraging. Not from a stage, from the computer. Yeah, I want to teach women, well, anybody, but specifically women photography, and then the basics of photography, and then those who are interested how to start a business in photography.

I'm so excited for that because you got gems on gems on gems, and I hype about that story after story and like, oh, my gosh.

And so many things I wish I had done or someone had told me 15 years ago.

So how do people find out about that? Or what do they do? How do they.

Oh, on Instagram, actually. Photo?

Yeah, just follow along.

Yeah, follow along. I'm recording it soon and it'll be launching the beginning of the year. Yay.

Okay, awesome. Well, that wraps it up.

Thanks, Marina.

This was so good. So I think for anyone, if you resonated with this, definitely go give Ashley a follow. You share lots of inspiration, all your pretty weddings. But most specifically, I think if you have photographer friends or other women and friends who would get gems from this, definitely have them listen to this. Follow the show, because there's me more coming. This show is specifically for the woman who is overwhelmed, who is trying to do it all. And they're like, I'm struggling and drowning. How the heck do we get out of this? And also build a high quality of life? And so we're just going to keep going.

Yeah. But with that, we'll see you next week.

Bye, guys.